His firm chin quivered. His thick black mustache upon his thin lips quivered endlessly as he tried to fight away the tears as her memories drifted into his mind. He had never known such sorrow. His long time love had said goodbye. He sat leaning forward in the chair, with the newly served divorce papers clutched tightly in his hand. He rested his head upon his shabby kitchen table as he felt the tears flow, running down onto his arm. How could he go on.
Just months before she knew she was ill and longed for some one to care if she left this world or not. Some one besides her kids that would miss her.
She was a bit of a looser or so he had thought months before in one of his drunken stoopers. He laughed about her with his friends, but now he was alone.
His harsh words and selfish actions had pierced her heart one to many times.
She turned to a another man in her lingering loneliness. He was cheerful, bright and carefree. In his tenderness he held her close. A kind of love she had never known. The next few weeks were so wonderful she feared it would destroy the two of them. Their love was like cotton candy pleasurable for a few short seconds then gone almost instantly. She would never for get the man as he gave her so much love in the few short encounters it was enough to last her forever. But no one could ever know. A hidden forbidden love.
After years of her faithfulness to the father of her children she cast that drunken man aside for her new secret love. Even a few short moments of pleasure overturned the hell she had lived in for years. The lover she cared for gave her the courage to escape her husband's life smothering clutches.
She ached with anger at her self that she did not run immediately from the pits of his manipulating.
As he held the beer bottle to his lips his thoughts proceeded backward. Numerous times he thought of her in vain. He was forced to bath in his own self pity. He then found himself wollowing suddenly in akind of sorrow he had given her many times. He had no idea she would turn away and even worse, turn him away as he had her so many times before. She had always taken him back even in the pits of hell he had put he into over and over during the many years of their marriage. This time she refused his return. He was devastated.
Even though she had warned him just months before when he had pushed her away.
"I will leave you when this child I am carrying is old enough to walk." She told him in the darkness of their bedroom.
He laughed and told his friends,
"She'll never leave me, if she does she'll be back. She can't live with out me." He said laughing and boasting as if he hadn't a worry in the world. He truly believed no matter how bad he treated her she would be like his sorrowful little beetle dog and come running back after a kick in the side by the next meal time.
As he sat that day at the table he somewhat realized his delusional world was about to come crumbling down when he found out she was forever leaving him.
She had loved him for so many years through the many bad times he had given her. Vows he had broken again and again, those same vows that had bond her soul to his. For richer, for poorer, now she knew she was sick would he again stray to hurt her even deeper during her miseries She couldn't take that chance again.
This time she didn't give him the chance, she strayed away to another mans arms, the first time and cared no more how it would affect him, her children, her friends, or parents. For the first time in her life she held her head high and walked away from his hurtful words and demanding requests.
"I have cared for you much more than myself. I have denied my self many necessities for you gain. I have watched my children cry because of your selfish nature. God granted me the wisdom to awake from my sorrowful self pitting soul.
He has given me reason to pull my bootstraps up and gather my children under my wings and flee.
Blast your tears,
blast your saddened heart.
You shunned me for so long
I have no pity for you now." She told him that day.
With that she walked away to start her new live. She could see far ahead through her tears, just far enough to see he was left behind.
"God has given me a new reason to live." She had printed on her new T-Shirt and on the back it said. "With out my X my life begins."
Linda B Terrell
Aug. 14 2009
God bless all battered and abused men, women, and childen that strive to over come for;
LIFE IS FOR LIVING.