Dear Lucy – 02/03/2014
You perhaps, the only I can trust now, Lucy. The other night, I was woken by the door slam to wall, was frightened, it was like thunder in my heart and I had hugged my pillow in hope it was you. I saw two shadows sneak behind my curtain, they moved slowly and giggled as walked by but sorrow wouldn’t let me stand in that instant and when strength to life came it was morning.
I went in sought of them two. I knew it was lance with a lassie’ perhaps one he brought the other night who wasn’t much prettier with age behind her’ as walked, wonder if lance would again say that our bed has his sister, as I shook the door knob, it wouldn’t oblige. I had rested on when it caved in and allowed presence. I went beneath his shoulders, beneath his blanket, ignored his questions and screamed at him asking Where she was, I wonder what I’d done with her, the scar the last one gave as fell in pursue her still hurt, I had asked again where she was when his silence rendered me foolish. In the end I found none, no one, I was perhaps slow; she perhaps had escaped through the window for I didn’t see anyone walk passageway the night.
Maybe Lucy, you should tell me what to do, I really do love him still.
Dear Lucy- 29/03/2014
You wouldn’t write back, I found reply in your silence. Lucy’ my hand hurt much; I have been locked in a room alone. Lance says I am sick, that I have some disorder and so wouldn’t let meet guest or have dinner on table. Nothing is wrong with me’ Lucy. I am very fine but he insists on taking me to the mental sanatorium in cold Northway. I wonder if I cannot walk naked in my compound or speak when I choose and to whom or what I choose. He is jealous I think, since the sky befriended me and rats became pet mine. It was it that forth his sentence upon me. He wouldn’t even let me feed my baby or hold her while she cries, the vase and mug may always fall from hand but how ridiculous to think I would throw my own baby, my own baby’ Lucy, that I would throw my own baby down the balcony.
Maybe Lucy, you should come, I need you, and my baby does.
I know a word from me would bring you here and your absence is due those factors far from your reach. Lucy, guess who is been here the week before? Dad! He is gone now but he sure promise to return, he is been my comforter since lance locked me up; he still has that light blue eyes and warmth. He spoke softly and hugged me. I know you miss him too but he misses you more. Lucy, I haven’t asked about you, that’s because I know you as strong and fine. I miss your smile and know your glare would render lance hand impotent but Lucy I am managing daddies comfort, you won’t believe Lance locked daddy in as well.
Maybe Lucy, you should come over to meet him yourself.
Nothing gladdened more my heart than your letter in years, though it was ten words in nine lines; I keep reading it over and over again. I wish all best in your trials and now that I know you are too busy, I would be indulgent to your important disregard. But you don’t mean I shouldn’t write you again, right? It made me laugh though; you haven’t stopped your jokes. And you didn’t even write about daddy and the baby, I do not lie Lucy or has lance lied to you as well? He has been telling everyone the baby died in an accident, there was no accident and I am very fine. Lucy I’ll still be expecting you.
Maybe Lucy, you’ll make more proceed here than there.
The lawyer came and I was let out a while, I requested to go Mamas resting place, I dig up a stone and delivered a letter down her coffin. The lawyer along with lance told me to sign some documents to which I oblige but something happened afterwards, that portrait of lance and myself, the one you drew, the oil paint one no longer dwells in its hanging place, lance said there was a fire and when I questioned further he got angry and screamed at me. He said I wasn’t ok yet, that he loves me and I must trust him, he then said I must get back to the doctor, I requested to meet daddy but then he said he died long ago, Lucy, that ain’t true but certainly know of unwell happenings here and it is not safe for anyone especially you.
Maybe Lucy, you don’t really have to come, be good.
I am sorry Lucy, I knew you have your issues as well, but be sure you can share them well with me and thanks for telling all will be well. I stopped writing because I thought that as well but now that you have reached me, I am glad. That indeed soothe my heart and also for sending the family portrait I can’t be more delighted. It seems I have missed some of your letters, I think lance is responsible for that; he is being irresponsible in while now. I can’t trust him now. Arthur has died’ I knew he would, I told him not to sleep, I knew it was going to be through sleep but lance had told him to mind me not and now he is dead. Lucy, I feel guilt, it grieves me. I feel if I had done more, he’d perhaps be alive.
Maybe Lucy, they’ll begin to consider my words seriously.
I had asked my pen and diary, but the doctor wouldn’t let me, I wouldn’t stab anyone with it I told him but he just wouldn’t let. I am shamed Lucy, I now wear this blue cloak, sometimes my hand is had in shackles and they just forcefully handle me. I ask to be freed but they just say not yet. There was a night I bit the nurse finger, she wanted to inject some liquid in my upper leg, Lucy, she had me naked all night’ just there in the gaze of them all. It’s been two month I seen lance. I am concerned about his safety, the doctor assures he is fine but I want to see him. They are nice herein except the cane and the electric shocks sometimes.
Maybe Lucy, if you’d come, they’ll let me go.
Just the other night, the breeze knocked my door; the stars winkled at me and the moon grace my skin. But like they took baby and will mine, took them too. I was dispossessed of heavens watch. I was taken into a room with unpainted wall; they said it was punishment for disturbing the others. Now I must hurry before I am caught with this, I haven’t slept in days now; this place is filled with horrors, how possible can I sleep in such discomfort?
Maybe Lucy, you should pray for me.
Thanks for the prayer Lucy, God heard you as I am now home. Thought it same with where came if not worst. The one in lance room, she has your voice and also slippers, just like yours, I wonder if mum made more than two of those gowns for she wore one almost same. As I came home, I could see strange faces in fathers’ mansion. It bothered me little; I smile as I hear her moan of ecstasy from the room, I have been told never to leave mine. I just could cry all night but those things bother little, really do wish you here.
Maybe Lucy, I would come see you.
Crumbs of bread and expired wine is been my sustenance, but now I have found a new love, he kisses my lips and let me slumber in his chest, his arms keeps warm through night and thought of him sustains through day. We have a dinner even tonight, which is why I must sleep early enough; I spend all my time sleeping because that is when he comes, when I sleep.
Maybe Lucy, I’d see you there
I could be with him forever, I just have to sleep forever he says. Seems lance at last is willing help, I have a rope and a chair and that is all needed to sleep forever. I promise to visit you once I transit. Goodbye Lucy. Love you.
Maybe Lucy, you’d be there in my burial
You wept too much at my burial, I wept myself. Thought of my dangling body even made you weep. But Lucy, when I reached my present form, I saw someone like you in the bed with Lance, let me not kid, I saw you in my bed with Lance. I saw you kiss lance and hasten him my body be fed to earth. Thanks Lucy, if you take my place in Lance heart, then I’m glad. Thank you for ending my pain, you did it for me’ the potions and the rope, thanks Lucy’ I would forever be indebted to you. I hope Lance don’t hurt you the way he did me. And Lucy my baby hasn’t eaten, she’s been crying all long, its days now she had bath, you can kiss Lance and use my jewelries but also give care my little baby.
Maybe Lucy, I’d done the same
The doctor keeps saying you do not exist, that you are just a piece of some imaginations. He brought all the letters I sent you and put them before me. He says Lance don’t exist either, he really is maddening me and then some young men claim they are my son and that I have no sister.
Please Lucy, get a rope and a chair and join here before they make me mad.
Maybe Lucy, it would end your suffering.