From Pa Kitos Mutterings

a writing by Adeosun Olamide Ayo

Let them think what they think while I think what I think
Let them see what they see while I see what they don’t
Let them think what they think while I think what they don’t
Let them see what they see while I see what I see

How did I, how did I survive this, this path? Where thorns, where prickles pierced, and bled my heart, how did I, how does my soul live still?

She died smiling, death ain’t a pain, it got pain but it ain’t than a pinch, it ain’t that long. Wait’ wait! will you? Wait and read slower, oh am that old that I forget people here don’t hear, they just read, listen to my voice with your mind, study and you’d understand.

Get me a cigarette, that roll of shredded tobacco out of my reach, get me a gun and a hand to, a hand to handle it, no don’t bring a bullet, that will be quick, well not very if I shot the leg, can bring pepper, red- hot iron also but first get me that cigarette out of my reach, no I didn’t say get it out of my reach, I said get it into my reach.

No, straightaway, I don’t own then, I do not possess soon, I have only this moment’ others are not assured.
How do we lose our heart? Have I lost mine? How do I know?
Oh I heard heart not lung,
I am old already; I can no longer die young, not at this age. I thought you unheeded it, how do we lose our heart?
Tell me if you don’t know’ but if you do, don’t. Tell me what you know then? Well silence is ok, losing your heart is gaining your mind, I won’t repeat myself a more, losing your emotion, no not your anger, don’t lose your anger, where is your understanding?
I would repeat a more and this time don’t interfere, emotion beclouds judgment, here silence save, silence is a lap of thought, you use it to find your mind.

Oh, is that what you were taught? That silence kills’ well whatever that is accepted is right, we shall round and round and round, and do what they do and share their evil laughter, if many call darkness brightness and call rough smooth and call trouble gentle’ it becomes so or rather it shall become, darkness shall hence be known as brightness. I didn’t evade your inquiry; silence didn’t kill Jesus, no, no! Will you listen? Bring that bible out of my reach, your forefathers ate sour grapes in Eden, your forefathers’ murdered Gods only son, yes when your father fathers murder such nice, young handsome man and ate forbidden apple, then you their offspring must suffer a fate, I know you are no Jewish, you are man, then you deserve the pain? Put it away, gently, it can’t tell what you seek of silence.

His was short. Why does it take long for death to come during that unending moments, hours, and years of pain? The pain makes us stronger, immune to death. Bring me my medicine, no not that one, the one that takes my fears, my logic, and my morals, bring it to me, and bring it to my lips.

Don’t think you are evil, ok stop thinking you are, you think you are evil, then you haven’t met my tormentors, they were nice, they were nice, they took my sight so I won’t witness the horror, they took my ability to hear, so I won’t hear my scream, my agony, they were nice, they left me my teeth to chew it, yes to chew my eye. If were He would deny knowing God.

Lock that door, lock that breeze away, lock away that sun, oh it is locked’ Steal the light from the bulb then, that bulb reminds me of a sun, a harsh one that sneaks in my moment of dream, Where was death? When voices of dead hummed my thought, when sleep came, it came in moment, in each I tasted death, I merely tasted its sweetness and I couldn’t swallow for they won’t let me. Yes not one, No, not only the sun, no, not always the noise, sometimes it is that man in loose outer garment, yes doctor. Death is beautiful; that is what the scar that mars my memory tells. Oh the scar wasn’t when I was born; I used to be handsome, with curly head, no not bald.

Ok, I am a ghost now; you can’t hear me and wait where Jesus is? Where? I haven’t seen him, everyone is trying to pass that narrow path, the stampede and fight, see my legs are too weak to hug that struggle; I will just pass this sparse wide way. Oh there are ****s here to, clubs, churches, peasants, good and evil. That is a lie, which is right; it is true that it is a lie.

They stole and hid the truth and hid us that couldn’t hide it.

What shall happen to my kids, my baby, my daughter, my adolescent daughter’ who’d teach her to wear her pants and zip her trousers, who’d put a condom in her bag, who’d discourage my son from dope, who’d feed my baby? I do not mock you old lady, I wasn't mimicking you, I only was repeating your words, and even do you ask me I asked her; yes God would dear Sarah, God would tend them like He tended me. Walk with me, you are dead also, released from the custodial of time, oh prisoner of fate. Tell me how you died’ I don’t know, I won a lottery, I was happy, I was sick, I was poor, I was sad, my hair was gone, I slept and then I woke here. But there is a poison in your vein, a hole in your heart and yet a bullet in your head… no, you are not naked, I am blind even, you don’t suddenly have to be ashamed, for you were all along, you slept where? I asked; Oh I am sorry, many men has seen my nude, many in my sickness, but that is all I remember, and you? Are you not the murderer? The one who murdered others suffering, only to be devoured by it’ I prayed for you…

Hey who thumps that defenseless wood, knocks my door? Meet handsome junior, is he not adorable? Don’t scream at me, I haven’t been talking to myself again, that drug that has schizophrenia on weakens me, I have put it along others out of my reach.

Let them hearken what they hear, while I hearken what I hear
Let them hearken what they hear, while I hearken what they don’t
Let them sense what they feel, while I feel what I sense
Let them sense what they feel, while I sense what they don’t - See more at:

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