This bits I have done, washed my bowls and rolled stones, gently followed clouds and counted sands and against tides- sailed, I have ran through mist and caressed thorns and now it ends as I fall this crest, I have no regrets of what you call my ruin nor joy- but certainly the feelings that possess this vein and heart- words won’t betray, somewhat between fear for this generation and joy that comes in earnest. This judgment only makes martyr of self, some difference between noose and cross but in end’ I join my heroes in roll of honors, I must obey and do what must, to purify earth and if rust shall, my heart shall bloom in deeds done but now that enemies God seen fate- yet a fetus within, they shall not let rust but shall abort my life, yet I rejoice still that my life has been with fruits, I have on ship to paradise put- wife, son and daughter, all who dwell now in abode of God, awaiting my presence.
That I am wrong is right, wrong to be a saint amidst sinners, wrong to obey the words of God in devils world, I understand on context when you say my acts were wrong, but any lapse in my action would only have brought ruin upon my family and so still I regret none of my acts and to many yourself who made judge and counsel to the devil, who further shall aim to torment by calling evil, I say to you’ woe. And to others, who have made a foe of me, to you- my ultimate love and hope that Jesus saves you from devils lure and trap and to others ensnared in the thrill, on the lids of maybe- maybe I am right, maybe patient is virtue, maybe I ain’t doomed but for fear- choose silence’ I say to you, silence is voice, a message- that carries equal weight be it ruin but to me doing is must- the only escape.
Born in brothel, infancy shaped my being; I wasn’t a female child, so like rest myself, sold to street, it wasn’t a small town, closer to a city, it was a town of pleasures’ where men kept their concubines, where priests got drunk, it was a free land and I was a free child. Hunger did little to show path to tread or to shape my talent of grasp, I was especially indulged in naiveté one that saved from throngs of lynch. With it, I spent little in school of petty thieving, this learning romanced my talent and the offspring soon became accustomed and tasteless. Growth demand I find else work and it was in being a father I found job.
The earth, in whom I spewed seed required not fruit thereof, and so with own burden sought another in whom I can deposit life. I had enough now through night work and lived comfortably in a room, but growing wasn’t a feature of the room, so as I grew, I dabbled in business of great proceeds, ones that involves slaying, it wasn’t stealing, it was business I knew it for- honeys lure ants, so riches does ladies, it was with careful consideration I chose wife, she as person must possess beauty and brain-only at caring, she must have understanding of feelings and recognize wants mine, she mustn’t be too intelligent but submissive she need be to authority mine and well- very skilled in keeping a baby mute, it wasn’t days it took, but years, months even weeks to get such lady and when did- my son already with helps applicants had began staggering and muttering.
Eve- was her name or rather the name I gave her, it was to me a name I could utter without stress, she was loving and lovely in all and- in time I came to recognize her reasoning, she was intelligent, intelligent enough to have competed, but she was more intelligent and sometimes, her solemn music could pierce, repair my soul, with time, my affections for her grew beyond sex and she came truly to occupy that throne of companion in my soul.
She was along others; I had channeled to other profitable businesses well also and became even a god father or role model for those born like self, the local government power was in sway, though I was not a man of politics, I was a god of it and I received gifts a many from any seeking that seat. It was in this, Eve was great confidant, as she knew the evil than myself, she curb most times those moment reason betrayed me, and was saving grace- once she spoke of a dream concerning my life- in that week my arm was shot and it was this that waned my relevance in power but not my wealth.
Overtime, love with help of age weakened me, and now I was a father of three, to my children- I had duty to keep, so it took great difficulty to keep away from liquor and even that was in appearance, to the field of stopping it in secrecy, there was little attempt. As to eve, her beauty never waned, she was a flower that never shriveled, her voice was as soothing as always and her counsel were revered and it was not long before she became my hands and head.
Reading wasn’t much difficulty for me; I could manage the children’s’ book, and even from them I came to learn the skill of writing, the skill of thinking and eventually of a God. My knowledge of drunken priests in brothel initially blurred my thought and perceived me towards pretense and lie taught to my kids, but it was not just a lie to ignore, it was a lie to prove. I had still within, the veins of innocence and it was helpful in proving the falsehood, of course it was no other than to prove that He is a fairy tale, one not to believe in, I still bothered in business, so it took me from home some nights.
One morning, the sun hadn’t set nor cocks crow, it was still in the beginning of night, I realized my blanket was gone that freezing night- this blanket was Eve, in a moment, I reasoned perhaps she been troubled within her, and had gone to ease self of waste but in another moment I was up, in my short I wandered out, there in grasp of fear, I saw a figure muttering to self. Who is there? I called out to no response, on proper look, it was the figure of Eve, and I moved closer to hold her shoulder, and in that moment, she put her hands around my body and held me tight that her ears could hear the poundings of my heart.
When with day, vigor came, we spoke at length about passed night and other nights she has slipped in to answer the call. I relive not many responses, but assured of wellness and my silence roared her imaginations of sincere concern, she had plead we joined the Sabbath service just once as she has been instructed in gifted prescience. Knowing through experience the trueness of her words, and the reality of her intuition, we came together a church the coming Sabbath.
It was a slow one, the hymn as I come to know sank gently in my conscience, we sat on a roll, self and family and aside we, other faces were strange, even the teacher of my kids, her face also was strange, it was indeed a solemn service, the congregates with their hats and suits and books, some had umbrellas and around the window frame were birds, they hummed along the whole service, not far from the altar, lizards sneak in and out of the scene, this priests was young and he accepted us not just with open hands or broaden smile but with such strangeness that beauty would be an understating word and that was not the last of the priest- who gifted also hugs and lifted my kids, there was such joy that lit their faces, one I haven’t across came.
It was a silent walk back home, my feelings- between jealousy and what could forth on if we continue to come, it made them all happy and it suffered me a little, I realized my children could give such smile to a stranger who merely lifted from ground and wouldn’t me, it was not that they never smiled, they did often but it was different and I saw it beyond vividly and then consequent days- I greeted my kids with throwing in the air, now they were two not three, Leo, my first child had died, his death was a relief after years of having to look after a sick child, he didn’t grow much and his siblings were bigger than him before his death’ Eve had cried with no consolation from myself and the children had skipped play and sat on the chairs, while neighbors came in and out. Now the two that remained, I threw in the air more often and in time they came naughty in a gracious way, I found a strange joy in them pulling my beards and in chasing them, at first it was pretense but then I got use to it and to the church as well.
Eve had joined the choir in the church and it was amazing to see her grow quickly, she soon became foremost amidst them all, from the congregation, I could see her sparkle, she was different, beautiful, I could see what I hadn’t seen all years of our togetherness. The void I never of, was been filled and now I had a family, and a family still. On a sermon, I drew to tears, of a man, of a God that left his celestial throne, and suffered, died to redeem my soul, it was a deep sermon, and only myself seem dissimilar amid the congregates, after the service, I walked on to the priest, knelt before him and wept, of the terrible deeds conceived, of commandments wronged, I wondered truly if the blood could make whole and clean and new again.
That was the beginning, you may say of my journey to doom, indeed you are right, it is to doom, to fate. I grew above fleshy desires and spent ample time with my family and God, I dedicated my life anew to him, I sat completely resigned from the world in the teachings of the priest and in my leisure read the book, the bible. It wasn’t impossible for me to understand quickly, and as I read I knew, I come to know more of the priest and Gods hatred for sin- about this I was possessed of, each night, I would rebuke my companion as I now come to call her, courtesy the book, I would rebuke her presence and would sink myself in God’s word, praying. The church needed some touch I thought, I sold most of our belongings and made the home of God warm and conducive, I gave Eve the duty of sweeping the church and with my kids; we mopped and kept Gods home clean.
It was not long before I realized the priest was shielding certain truth from the congregation, he neither reproof nor spoke in tongues. I began to question if really the Holy Spirit was in him but I was soon aback learning he is the prophet of God and I must not doubt his call, yet it was not long- for my knowledge of the bible grew in and inn and my conscience became conscious of the truth. And in reaction, I withdrew gradually from the church. It was most difficult for my wife, she saw not what I beheld, I remembered she wept and lingered in silence at this act which for one time she called wrong. My kids weren’t spared either, they missed their friends. I had formed a church in my home, and my wife was the choir, I was the voice of God. In my sermon, I’d see my kids slumber off and my wife walk out on me, now the evils of democracy was beginning to take form in my home.
Upon my further study and my further sinking in the words of God, I came to learn we were not meant to be happy, not when the devil is winning. And so the pursuit of happiness for my family came to an abrupt end, I have learnt people would hate the truth and also I have learnt- the suffering and persecution that lain along this path and so gently I stepped through thorns. The falling of my hand on Eve brought back her reason and submission, it was an act I deemed necessary, and even all act necessary to save her from the anger of God- I’ll do without thinking, for the flames that accompanies torment is worst.
And it was a beautiful one, we sold most of our valuables and planned not for tomorrow as God put- he that provided the sparrow shall for us, so we bothered not about tomorrow, many often, eve would cry at her frail children, each day we got no food; it was Gods way of telling us to fast. I had withdrawn my kids from the school, so they would not be corrupted by devils agent who sometimes the form of children wore, to Eve- I chide of visitors and I was suddenly true to it, sometimes weakness came and I felt as if mad, but this moment soon fleet away, they were temporary.
We sometimes went from home to church, preaching about the coming of Christ and the coming of destruction, it was in one of this duty I observed greed dwelling in eyes of Sam, he is my son and I loved him with all my heart, he had seen his mate in the playing ground with food and his gaze this stole, that even his ears failed when we called on him, I knew of this greed and prayed against it, some other day, as we walked through the brothel- preaching of Christ and coming destruction, I noticed Sam attention wrapped in the almost nude girls around, at their bosoms, I prayed and prayed still that night- about God’s mercy on him, to save him from devils snare, that night I was ministered to, to search his bags and therein I found a magazine of unclothed girls, at that moment, I knew the devil was in and- for he was my son, couldn’t let the devil drag him away. So I prayed the more and went to my bible, as I read through I came across the truth, if eyes make sin, unplug it than have whole in hell, it was enough, I knew it was message from God to me, and if following the instructions of God makes me sick or a criminal, then I’d gladly hug the noose.
That night, I gently woke him, took him in deep, where his scream was away from ears man, and there- it was a precise act, one I did gently like a surgeon not with rage but with help God, I aimed knife at his eye and unplug the cords, he screamed and did and soon fell tired, it was like a gold going through fire I knew, I soon from his clothes- shreds which help reduced the water and blood spewing out.
God did miracles, I knew- he wasn’t dead, and after hours of praying for a miracle, I received a message that I take him the hospital, it was morning by then, with the help of God he returned, but the devil would return another eye to him, the doctor, a white man wouldn’t talk to me about him or let me see him in while, he made himself a tool of the devil and put back the cord of one of the eyes. He was asleep when I came in, Eve was there along with my daughter and had seen the blood on my shirt and bible- she had wept, I knew she loved me that moment- for she thought it was myself who was hurt, but when I told her in details all that transpired and tried making her see the motive, she saw the devil behind me and screamed- towards me, it was fearfully strange- for I had loved her and wished us all only good, my little girl was there all through, she had been fasting three days now and understood little of the happenings. That day I shed tears- for Eve said she hated me and that she was leaving with the kids, with my kids, I knew it was part of my contract with God, but I didn’t want that, my contract included my family.
When Sam became fine, he refused to see myself; they say he was scared of me, the doctor shielded them all from me, and yes I prayed and told God to have the wheel- and he did. Sam was back home and in weeks, Eve took the kids to church, she stopped participating in the fast and she slept away from me, she said Sam scars reminded her of the deed and with all my explanations, the devil made her heed not, I tried one day to hold Sam hand, but he slipped and ran to his mothers arm, I merely to carry and throw him in the air desired.
Of own, I drew closer the bible and further to my family who farther from me came, I would sneak and follow them up and try to have grace of Eve. My new and better acquaintance with God came with visitations, angels came around me, they sat with me and we spoke at length- it was about many things- they gave prophecy and taught to sneak in on my family more- that in heaven, if truly I seek to save them, we all shall dwell a family and Sam eyes would be restored- it was this I told eve but she had escaped my sway- and not my scream or fist would bring her in. other times, it was about why I couldn’t keep wealth and they say- devil is prince the world, the judges, leaders of this world belong to him and his servants he drown in wealth of power and resources and I am often directed to the camel and needles yoke- I knew I must bring my family from talon the devil- other times they called my attention to Sam earnings, I asked eve if she knew about the watch on Sam wrist, her gesture implied no, though she was critical- I sought advice from them and they told I must act, less Sam is taken forever by the devil.
But the world is brief and here after is forever, shall cut hand if it brings him to sin, the action betrayed my emotion, it was a difficult one, I had pushed Eve out my way into silence and placed the axe at his shoulder, it was difficult but it was more difficult having thought he may in hell burn, he’d lie even as I lift up the axe, the fear that gripped his eyes- afterwards I shivered, I was really cold, I screamed then at him- God will give you new hands in heaven and a new eyes, but not in hell! You shall not steal! In his whims, he lied again, saying the priest gifted it to him.
On, the priest confirmed the lie, I was taken in due to pressure the doctor, I recognized as persecution I must for gospel and hugged my sufferings, after months I was let out, all through- Eve never visited nor wrote me, I went home, the gate was rusty, there still was color of blood on the wall, they were all gone, away from me- in the moments that followed, anger streamed in my mind followed by the company of memories, at that moment, I knew I had abandoned God, I knelt and prayed- it was the next day, the angels visited again.
Now they gave riddles, that suggested where Eve might be, for months, I was on road, describing how tall she was, they all said they have seen a mother with a blind sever boy, and a pregnant girl, they pointed in varying directions but God wouldn’t leave me, he strengthened and in the end I was guided to their presence. This moment, I shall cherish memories therein till heaven, as I across where they dwelled came- Eve, washing clothes beheld me, she came immediately into my arms and wrapped her hands around my back, put her head to my chest, she then touched my face, she wasn’t exactly happy but her heart was so pleased, this I could feel, but it was brief, she pushed backwards- and withdrew into tears, there I saw Ana, her tummy out, I walked towards her and hugged her tightly, she needed rest as she lean on me, where have you been? She asked. Sam wasn’t around, he had gone to school, away from where I don’t seem to know, but I didn’t bother much as I didn’t bother on Ana’s question.
Three days passed, and I have loved Eve even more, that night, it bothered my thought- the evil sprouting in Ana’s womb. I knew the fetus was unsanctioned by God or does God sanction a baby out of wedlock? I asked Eve. She referred to me and inquired of our births, of even our union, if God about it knew but I wasn’t satisfied, sin displeased my eyes, it is the fruit of sin and must be halted. Gently, I prayed and with helps the angels, we did the procedure, it was long, a careful one but even the body must be purified, her tears was weakness I knew as I dipped my hands in her womb, she screamed so loud, that it assassinated the sleeping potion I dropped in Eve’s drink but not even Eve would stop me now, not even Eve would take heaven from us, so I persisted until I realized Ana was silent, very silent and even now that I dig more, she was at peace, her thigh grew cold and her eyes wouldn’t blink.
Had I not, she’d be in hell, the angels say’ and I knew longer for even Eve wouldn’t stand from that slight push, it is sin to take my life, so I stood there before the angels instructed I call an ambulance, when it was inquired-what happened, I simply as the angel said, spoke the truth and in details all that transpired that night. I shall be re-united with my family soon and it shall be in heaven- no greater joy has even my heart melt but also it freezes my soul that the generation is at ill for they follow not the angels’ guidance.
This bits I have done, washed my bowls and rolled stones, gently followed clouds and counted sands and sailed against tides, ran through mist and caressed thorns and now it ends as I fall this crest, I have no regrets of what you call my ruin nor joy have but certainly the feelings that possess this vein and heart- words won’t betray, somewhat between fear for this generation and joy that comes in earnest.