Aisha’s Rant-

a writing by Adeosun Olamide Ayo

Withhold not Mercy- merciful Allah who looks upon His servant in hour need, who with grace forgive their iniquity and absolve need theirs, Refill Mercy- merciful Allah and fix this, renew my days- and wake me from this nightmare to put self in order- so my soul may be yours willfully all eternal- remember I have lived only for you, 5 prayers, submission, hate pork, veil beauty and others- do not break my heart Merciful Allah- I ain’t commanding, but don’t break my heart!

This is the third result, the third sentence- what faith can spur? This terminal, me mortal- listen Allah, there is an escape, what are thou incapable of?- turn this in a nightmare, no one would tell, not one ear would hear this error, this negligence- wake me from the nightmare gently, sort my memory and let me as ever serve you on.

Sleep? When eternity becks; how do I sleep, knowing it’s mating in my blood, that this blanket would soon be earth? - I shall not put my life in some mortal hand, what is insomnia? Have thou lost thy power, might- Allah that you can’t put me to sleep even, that you cannot let my hair grow? Should I mourn your passing, shouldn’t I? – Why put life mine in some mortal hand, haven’t you done? Haven’t you damned me? - You desire I escape right, could have been a second, why hurt further by giving time to languish, to ail my imminent.

I get now, you need a bride- that is why you told I be pure, I be virgin and now that marriage becks- you did this. They love me, (Laughing) my smile? The gods call me home, for? To be their bride forcefully- can’t I be asked, but you know right, I don’t want to be your millionth whore- tell ‘em gods, prophets- I said so.

Racists, fanatics, despot- filthy judges, incompetent doctors, adulterous imam, stealing priests, terrorist teachers- silent God- sleep on, sleep on! You hear me, sleep on! And let all know the love of God is seen in death- Tha- mourn the gods, sympathies with them- long dead. Not dead, I guess- but hooked by their strength.

You threaten me with hell? Where is this? Where is there, where violent men ravish virgins- I would be raped all eternal- I know, don’t refuse me- take away, alter this innocence, slate thirsty lips betwixt thighs.

So I bleed still, why can’t all my blood be drained or a poison put to kill the bad cells? Don’t be His advocate, mother. Where has what gone? Haven’t you loved Him your life? See what He did- see mother! O, you can’t hear me, who’d clean your mess, be your ears and help you see? Did He bother on how you would survive? They will clean your mess and understand your mutterings mother- but don’t say Allah Cares. He does care in fact, for my thighs- I’d stab Him, damned gods!

Allah is enough for me- not bullet or bombs nor pleasures or comfort- thus picked my words and drowns me- wake up a corpse- spew hatred seed in soul- work like a corpse- burn me and give my ashes to the sea!, where thou, devil? I am acquainting your state, do a favor and forgive the vile I have against thee spoken- damn! Better deals with the devil_

Weak heart? How could you judge me so- No, don’t come up conscience, not weak heart- trials Submission- acceptance? I gave him my life- not when my thighs itched or lips betwixt knew thirst- I covered head, did teaching, passed through flames- don’t you think He should speak to me first and not demean me- sacred body, 5 prayers, submission, cancer. Who heck to sentence? Don’t deserve my love, my honor- shall do fleshes will every night till, give lung starved smoke and run life way felt-

-Oh Allah, the cancer is gone, knew you’d hear, but wait, what- HIV AIDS?

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