Into The Sea-

a writing by Adeosun Olamide Ayo

I fall in -to many characters these days- that who I really be- is obscured- and as these characters fade, I find myself drowning in emptiness- the feeling I am nothing. Truly- there is blackness over my soul- I light a flame, yes I lit one- to architect a path, a new me and lo- my imperfections, my flaws have tripled- yet to yours it seems a droplet in an ocean view- a grasp of sand to your shores- yes a stone to your Everest.

They called themselves parent, siblings- they call themselves children, spouse, they call themselves friends, friends- they demand of me- to suck my life, yes my death. To kneel, to beg at their feet- to show deeply- I need them- that I in need their love- they want me to crawl, off my robe of pride- though with thorns within- and take their rags- in lowliness and show I am lovely.

That disease- of craving- I am not infected. I am the healthy one among all- I crave not, I need not- I am comfortable with my dark- fine with the characters I robe with- fine with staring at the stars all night- than sleeping by her side, yes fine with silences- than hearing those kids vilely- what called laughter! Yes I am fine- they are not! How can I let them touch me, their filthy hands- how can I let? -My filthy hands- the same that goes in my anus, the same! What wonder can wash such disgust? -Even if from the hand- never from the mind can it be erased- I do not let be touched or touch them- others.

So they call me sick- I hate it- to be called sick! I am not sick- I never have downs- I have ups- and I don’t need help! They say I do- I say I don’t- and so- they begin to leave one after another- praying that I hold them back and say a word of remorse to have them- but it is not me to crave, it is not me to beg- let them go- I’d have my love, the rhythm of silence, the caress of nothingness- I smile- knowing that hell duty is taken off me, O heavens be blessed- they take my hunger and make me perfect! I reared my garden, to feed my eyes with the radiance of daffodils, the splendor of roses- but soon, they started demanding- my crave- to be bathe- this time- I killed them, they burnt- yes they deserve that- how should they hold me ransom to bloom for my eyes? The evil infects them!

Yet heavens- gave its beauty- the stars- none compares, the sun when bride be- incomparable, the full bloody moon or in its deformity- none matches- there in their gaze I sat, the waters from heaven to quench my thirst- How- God blessed me! He art me- this nature to bask in such splendor- aye- the devil was watching, sneaking in- at first he possessed those I once called mine- they came with shackles, subdued me(weeps)- and forced me their will- It was painful, more hurting than putting a corn in your anus- painful than seeing a maggot festering on your scars- I sat there- cutting myself, my screaming, protest sealed- my hands tied- but still I cut myself- with my teeth- my tongue, my lips- you see- I am not scared of dying- I desire to meet my maker, to seat at his feet- and hear His heartbeat- it is that- they take from my grasp. I am locked in hell- the pills are coming in- my life ’s ablaze- even my dreams were slain.

My hair was black them, when it knew grey, when my legs weary- my hands fragile- my mind weakened- they let me go- to return- The stars came every night in my absence, it came for me- it came to meet me, the breeze was thirsty for my flesh- the rain homeless- without my throat- they came all still- and the emptiness again empties the bitterness, the anger- they sown.

It was short now, my vision failing- God calling and the sea- ‘s Gods train back to Him!

Everyman- his problem, I and mine
From mine see- feel- better thyself
God made ropes -chairs to aid return
Everyman- his blessing, I and mine
From pane- feed eye this dangling flesh
The sea is Gods train back to him-
Souls on to live now- death aids!

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