This is my first ever blog about OCD. In the future I may write more blogs.
I'm not sure where to start. That's not because I don't have much to say on the subject. I have lots. Tons. It's just that I have such a long history with it and a widespread set of symptoms.
I've had it since I was six years old. That was 2002. That is the earliest I can remember it. It was like an introduction to the illness and the rest of the disorders story would later be revealed to me.
It started off with feeling bad about my thoughts and overanalysing them. Then it turned into obsessive ruminations about minor mistakes and having a sick feeling in my stomach and trouble sleeping. After that it was thinking my actions would harm other people. This lead to me feeling and thinking I was to blame for things I hadn't done. I started to have flashbacks which I picked to pieces. Then I became obsessive about food (see my upcoming eating disorders blog) which I think does overlap with OCD. I was so preoccupied that most of my days were lost to thoughts in my head. My perfectionism in school work was also a symptom of my OCD. I had a couple of panic attacks.
Then in 2012 it peaked.
I very rarely left the house or my room. I had the curtains closed. I struggled sleeping. I was counting, checking, listing and chanting "Don't think bad thoughts." This was because I kept getting images of my teacher miscarrying and I had to cancel it out or otherwise I felt it was real and would happen. Then OCD dominated my life practically 24/7.
Now its roughly five years later.
I won't say I'm cured or recovered. I still have bad days sometimes. In 2015 the crisis team saw me and part of it was for my OCD. At that point I did have some symptoms of stereotypical OCD, such as changing my clothes several times a day as well as washing 2-3 times a day and excessive hand washing to the point where my skin peeled. But that was nowhere near as bad as 2012 and since I haven't had it as severely. I believe the program The Worlds Maddest Job Interviews saved my life as seeing people on there made me realise what the problem was. The things that helped me were: self-help books, being open about my disorder, counselling, self-care, meditation and mindfulness. I volunteer at OCD Action as an Awareness Champion to end the stigma. Stereotypical OCD is real for some people but not for everybody.