Welcome to my world

a writing by Elizabeth Grace Shearer

Stop! Close your eyes; breathe...in then out, in then out and repeat. This is not a test, you are not being graded, relax! Are you feeling comfortable?
Put your left hand out in front of you, what do you feel? Nothing? Put your other hand out to the right what do you feel? A breeze brushes past your hand maybe but for the most part nothing. Are you alone? No, then why can’t you feel anything? Try harder!

Hold your breath, don’t make a sound! What can you hear? Noise…lots of noise, it’s heavy and rings through your ears and then there is silence. 40 seconds have passed, now breathe, and is your breathing heavy…much louder than the previous noise? Control your breathing, make it quiet. You can’t? You must make it stop! People are looking, they are watching YOU. Make it stop!

Step forward, take another step. Look up to the sky and down to the floor, close your eyes and do it again two more times. STOP! Do you feel dizzy, do you need help? Take 10 steps forward. Don’t touch, don’t speak, and don’t fall. Turn around, look in every direction…now tell me what you see. Blur? Unable to focus? Nauseous but unable to do anything about it?

Keep your eyes closed. Put your hand in mine, squeeze…squeeze hard, once, twice, three times and let go. Reach out for me…can you find me, no peeking? Don’t move, your feet are glued, why can’t you reach me? Open your eyes, can you see me? No? Why did I leave? Keep reaching, stretch yourself further. Don’t give up…do you want to disappoint me?

Cover your mouth with your hand clasping tightly, now repeat this sentence…

‘I matter, people care what I think, how I feel’

Was it clear? Could you be understood? I think not. Stand in front of a mirror, do it again. Was it clearer? Did you struggle? Look yourself in the eye as you try. You FAILED! No one understands what you are saying. Don’t waste another breath.
Last chance; remember this is not a test. This is based on your experience, it has not been tampered with…or am I lying? How do you know? Take off your watch, give me your phone. You can trust me?! Use your left index finger to tap the desk in front. Tap, tap, Tap. Don’t stop unless I tell you to. Pick up a pencil and with your right hand and press it against your left. Keep tapping! Balance on your toes; make sure nothing else touches the floor. Keep tapping! Answer the telephone that is in my pocket but don’t stop tapping. Tell me the time to the exact second!

You are out of time….

You failed.

Welcome to my world

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