SILENT TEARS

a writing by Phillip Joseph Hussey

The years of love

I watched my big beautiful black butterfly with red, white and yellow mottled spots around her luminescent eye as she darted from flower to flower, yes she was my butterfly I chose her, I watched as she settled on this beautiful red rose gently stretching her slender legs and displaying that beautiful coloured body as I watched her mesmerised. Her enormous wings flapped up and then down unpredictably. Here she was once again roaming the air in this beautiful garden of love, but she just wouldn’t stay still; she flitted here and there one minute up, then the next minute down, ever moving as she beat her wings against the space around her. I just could not fathom her, yet I loved her with a consuming passion even as the wind became her guide and she staggered through the sky. I watched her doing this sky dance where her body moved with the wind to the music of the African bush. A persistent cooing from turtle doves and the combination of melodious croaking from mating frogs pitching from a nearby brook amidst whirring sounds of the cicadas and the constant hum of bush crickets pulsating in the background generating an orchestra of music which flowed with her dancing magic as she fluttered around gracefully displaying her dazzling colours on her well shaped wings. She flirted with the flowers, settling gently upon and stroking them with her long tongue that glistened with nectar which she lapped up from their hearts. The varied green leaves enhanced her beauty as their emerald hues fused with the matted brown of tree barks and plants dark green stalks blending into a canvas of flora which exuded life to the fullest in the form of other insects including honey and bumble bees and even darting dragon flies searching endlessly for some pond to skim upon.

I just could not understand where this flow of love in me for her came from. It was endless and unrelenting as it flowed and the more I looked at her the more I desired her with a burning passion. My eyes were immersed in and on her beauty and as a smile spread on my face, then suddenly without warning a starling dived from the sky and swallowed my angelic creature and she was gone............I had lost my love almost as soon as I had found her.

That was the day sadness was born in me, deep and profound, it vested itself inside me in a grief not only bereft in my soul but haunting my mind too. What I wanted so deeply had departed from me supposedly gone forever. So for ages afterwards I suffered anguish, thinking about my precious butterfly and how much she meant to me. Oh why it is that some love is born only to die and be lost in the torrents of time sometimes forever I just could not comprehend this. There was no chance of vengeance against the starling as I had watched her vibrating throat swallow my love, because my heart had died. Such sadness invaded my being which no one will ever understand, and so for many a day I wept, silent tears of love for my fallen and crushed butterfly. Soon the days became months and then years and followed by decades. Time was the conqueror of my sorrow and vanquished all my despair and soon the activities of life swallowed my memory of that lamentable past.

I found solace one day when I saw a beautiful moth which almost matched my past love, so I captured her heart in my bosom to keep forever. Then one day as I walked in the forest I came to another beauty spot and there dangling on a branch emerging from her pupae and absorbing the warmth of the early morning sun was my butterfly, she was reborn. I was certain it was she because she had not changed; everything about her was just the same, her moving dance with the air as she struggled to gain height with her new found love of flight displaying those spectrumed wings of bounteous colour and flirting with the wind once more. So now I had my dazzling moth and my exceptional butterfly, one hardy and forceful, the other gentle and flighty, yet my love for her burned on against my equally beautiful brown multi coloured moth whom I had since endeared and now loved with a passion that exceeded anything I had previously felt and also we had spawned beautiful offspring that migrated away with the seasons.




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