Before long even pills won’t take
away the spiraling headache that dictates
what you do or don’t do and you still can’t
make yourself eat a single thing in order to fool
yourself into thinking that maybe someday you’ll
be as skinny as those girls everyone seems to love.
The sinking sensation pushes you farther down
as you look for that one thing, the thing that will tell
you that you are somebody and not just another name,
the thing that will tell you to not let anything
get in your way and that you can make it because
you are a special person who shouldn’t give up.
The search is useless and another part of you
breaks away leaving you even more pale and
miserable while you smile and pretend everything
in your life is great when really the only great
thing about it is that one tiny hope dancing in your
head that when tomorrow comes you won’t wake up.
The friends you used to have become part of the crowd,
just people that you walk by without a hello or any other
kind of greeting and inside you are hurting so bad that
for one very fast and almost nonexistent moment you
want to catch up to one of them and say something,
say anything just to know you’re not invisible.
Pretty soon you are worn out from trying to find reasons
for you to be happy and you’ve run out of excuses
for the missing smile on your tense face and you
don’t know how to explain the tears that somehow just
won’t stop coming from your tired eyes and now your too
weak to do anything but fade away and lie in your grave.