NO MERRY CHRISTMAS 1999

a poem by Michael David Crill, USA

AS I anticipated spending X mas
With my family and loved ones
As I drove into my parents drive way
Such joy I would soon share all day

Opening the door to a maze on the floor
And into the front room I saw more and more
All amoungst the house, a site to see
Clear plastic hoses run every which way.

This hose run every which way
This hose went left,right and back
All tangled up and a mess on the floor
Way in the corner, a big box, I see.

All these hoses begin their for me to see
Each one of these hoses, I follow to their end
Hooked to the nostrils, of my dearest best friends
I stood in the hallway and saw what I seen.

From down in my heart I felt myself scream
Two frail people, gasping for air
Each step they take doesn't seem fair
They both aren't very old,60 plus years

So hard to walk, so painful to hear
Dead in my tracks, mind in a daze
What I am seeing, brings back the old days
Days of my Mom, running faster than me

Chasing me for wrong with a switch from a tree
A woman who raised six children with love
Never to stop loving till her last day
Always their for me when trouble I do

Teaching me right from wrong that I do
I stood for a moment, seemed like many a years
Life flashing before me, holding back my tears
And beside her, her love of 46 years

A hose to my Dad and I lost all my tears
This x mas shall never forget
Never before have I felt so sick
As we all stood, looking at each other

Me their Son, they my father and mother
What has happened, how could this be
What I felt as my parents looked at me
Oh such pain I saw in both their eyes

A look I felt as if they were saying good bye
Miles of tubes, constantly feeding them air
All I could think is how life is not fair
Confined to a hose, as far as the end.

So slow each step, their knees they can't bend
It's so hard to write down a hurt that's inside
And finish a poam my tears I can't hide
I turn away fast and take a deep breath

Cry in my silence yet fooling no one
They didn't say much, not much could they say
As we looked at eachother,oh what a day
I walked towards them to give them a hug

I went to my mom first, as I always done
I reached my arms around her
Wanting to just hold her so tight
In my arms as we held each other

So many times as a son and a mother
Over whelmed with emotions going faster than light
All that in life I love as I'm holding Mom tight
I love you dear Mother, I love you so much

A special love shared, when ever we touch
A thought of this moment that I'm sharing with Mom
A day will come and I will be alone
So I held a little tighter, heart against mine

Fighting back thoughts of Mom, not in my arms
I give Mom a kiss, say I love you again
A extra hug and our arms became unhooked
I look at my Dad, to give him a hug

He seemed so distant as we became one
With my arms around Dad, his around me
Over his shoulder, it hurts what I see
Here is the man, once strong and so free

Holding me loosely over my shoulder to see
To feel what I did, Dad in my arms
My arms holding on, I don't want to let go
I Love you Dad, I say close to his ear

Holding him tight,we could feel our own fears
As I let Dad go from the love in my arms
I felt so sad for having let go
I had to be excused,into the bathroom,I locked the door

I sank to the floor, I could not hold back no more
I cried so hard, seeking peace from within
God give me strength so I can begin
To get to my feet and hold back my tears

Go face my loved ones, not showing my fear
I did rather well yet I know they could tell
They felt my pain as I shared in their hell
Helpless I am, what's done it's too late

Time is a ticking, time is their fate
Saying good bye to what I last saw
Changes my life to stand and not fall
All that matters and all that I see

I Love you Dad and Mom, best friends we'll forever be...
God Bless Dad and Mom from your loving son...Mike

Thank you for allowing me to share this special time in my life with you. Both parents are gone as are many others from living and breathing the deadly air in the town left to die...Libby Mt.

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