THE NEW TEACHER "FOR MAGGIE POLLOCK"

a poem by William Willis, Scotland

The following poem is from an UNKNOWN AUTHOR.It is about a little Scottish country-boy who starts school in a rather posh primary school.The poem contains lots of Scots slang.Our very own Maggie Pollock uses Scots slang quite a bit in her poems, which are hilariously good.I apologise to overseas readers who will find it a wee bit difficult to read.I love it.I hope you like it too.So this is "FOR MAGGIE"

Is a dove a doo, Dad ?
Is a doo a dove ?
Is a coo a cow, Dad ?
A sparrow just a spyug ?

And is a wall a waw, Dad ?
Is a dog a dug ?
She's gonna warm ma ear Dad !!!
Instead o' skelp ma lug.

Ma teachers awfy posh Dad.
She changes aw oor names.
Wee Shuggie is now Hugh, Dad.
And Jimmys ayeways James.

I'm scunnered wi' it aw, Dad.
The way she shoogles words.
Ah must be glaickit no' tae ken.
That feathered friends are burds.

Ye lernt me it all wrong, Dad !!!
Ye calld a ball, a baw.
Yur wife is now my mother.
You said it wis ma maw.

Ah'm no shure hoo tae spell, Dad.
Ah'll never pass a test.
Whit is this ah'm wearin', Dad ?
A simmet or a vest ?

Ah, gave ma nose a blaw, Dad.
When it began tae dreep.
She gave me such a fright, Dad.
A nearly filled ma breeks.

Do you have a hankerchief !!!
She roared as if in pain.
No, a jist use ma sleeve, Miss.
And wiped ma nose again

Ah cawd a mouse, a moose, Dad.
Ah, shid hiv held ma tongue.
That's manure on yir boots, Dad.
Nae longer is it dung.

It's turnips and potatoes, Dad.
No tatties noo or neeps.
She said I'd ripped ma trousers ,Dad.
When I'd only torn ma breeks.

There's twa words fur awthin', Dad.
They've jumbled up ma heid.
How kin ah be well bred, Dad ?
When ah keep sayin' breed.

Now is a crow, a craw, Dad.
Is a bull a bul.
Ah'll try tae get it richt, Dad.
I will, I will, ah wull.

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