GOODBYE MY LOVE.

a poem by peninnah ng'ang'a, Kenya

When you cry for the man that you love
there is nothing weak about that.
When you fast and pray for your man to be the man you need
there is nothing selfish about that.
When you fight for that relationship you want with the man you with
there is nothing wrong about that.
When you speak your right to be treated right by the man you in-love
there is nothing nagging about that.

Dear Erick,
i remember like its yesterday when we first met.
Second Sunday of the cold July
few days to my parents anniversary.
you said,"Hi am Erick and I would love to know you!"
We exchanged numbers
we shared photos of places we been to
day till the wee hours of the morning
we would talk tirelessly.
The world,politics,technology,time,spaces
there is no stone we didn't turn.
We did not always share same view
but always we agreed to disagree.
Haha!
You kept saying, "I have found my match!"
We clicked so well!
The connection was undeniable.

Then that weekend you left for fishing in Ireland
we hardly talked
i was so miserable.
I remember thinking,"am falling in love with this man!"
That Sunday when you got a connection in London
the first words you said when were
"I have a feeling there is a big fight awaiting."
Haha!
Though that was our first fight
it was the day we found our center.

It has been so amazing ever since.

We have had our heavenly moment
Skype can tell you that.
We have had our share of pain too
Whatsapp can testify.
Our major break up on your birthday last year
The down time we both went through
beginning of this year...
But somehow
somehow still
our friendship and our love remains a constant force.

Atleast not until lately when all the crude fighting began.

You say i blame you all the time
that am playing hard ball
trying to push you away
that i do not trust you.

But you been the one changing the game.
I understand your life is speeding up
but you forget the results of that on us.
Beyond chasing contracts and making millions
you forgot there is a bride back home
in need of your quality time.

You said you had thought of it hard enough
and it is better that we break up.
I deserve better you said
we are not happy anymore.

Obviously you have a point.
We are not happy as we need to.
I think i idolize you too much that i forget you human
in need of my affection as much as i need yours.
But you also forgot your duty
to silence my insecurities with reassurance and tenderness
like you used to.

Four days and five nights still i wait
a word
a text
a sign
a clue
that you have not given up on us.
But the silence remains.

En zo mijn lifde (and so my love
ik hou van je (i do love you
ik can romans schrijven over ons (i can write novels about us
ik zal waarschijnlijk een Mills&Boon versie van ons schrijven (I will probably write a Mills&Boon version of us
Maar (But
als dit is waar onze altijd eindigt (if this is where our forever ends
dan will ik dat je weet (then i want you to know
HET IS EEN MOOI LEVEN AAN UR ZIJDE GEWEEST.(IT HAS BEEN A BEAUTIFUL LIFETIME BY YOUR SIDE)

However
should you decide to change your mind
you can come back anytime
but like yourself
i too will need a few days to figure out things.
Because
when we vowed for better or worse
you should have known that this is one of such ugly times.
You should have never left.

Goodbye my love.
Or is it?








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