a poem by peninnah ng'ang'a, Kenya

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My darling heart,

It is with much gratitude that i have decided to send you this complimentary note for the endless battles you fight for me over the years,the undying strength you continuously bestow an to thee,the much you so bravely endure and the immense courage to rise every time you fall.

Remember when we were 17years,that handsome guy we fell in love with?Yeah the footballer!
I remember how wild you would get each time you saw him.Perhaps it was his 'channel 0'shave,or the Nivea freshness,perhaps his dreadlocks? or maybe the G-Unit clad that used to make him bubbly,hot and fly!(May he R.I.P).
Haha!Those were seven magical months of discovery and sweet secret romance that taught you in a practical definition the meaning of heart break when you discovered i was not the only ball he was tuning in the field.

Then on our 21st birthday,his highness,your true love(lol!)Or should i say 'your Arab prince' as you so fondly referred to him, put that fine antique black gold ring on my finger(Yeah i know,that ring was something else)
He said,"As black as the oil of my origin and as beautiful as my African Queen."
Who could have guessed the words that would come out of my mouth that following festive Idul Fitri would be "The ring fits perfectly on my finger,but your love no longer fit my heart."
I know, years on, this remains a very raw chapter on your editions and i still wonder,family and friends still wonder, if we ever got over it.

Two years you hurt,bleed,shed tears each night till you became immune to loneliness and the pain.
I remember early last year Bff asked if you were ready for love,and you said,"Am afraid i do not feel anything anymore."
For two years my heart,your nerves were numb,you were dead.
I swear i never thought this flower could ever bloom again someday.

Then you met him!Second Sunday,second week of July 2013,you met the dutch earl,the man in your dreams.Haha!Though you were reluctant to his advances at first,in comparison to previous relationships,i have never seen your feet embrace a tango with such zeal,desire and finesse.
For a heart sworn to never breath,dream,feel or love again,this time my heart,you outdid yourself!
It has been an year of unimaginable and unpredictable events.So much change that you been so willing to conform to.You make a lot of sacrifices each day for this relationship so effortlessly.
For a heart ravaged so grievously before,i swear you did surprise me this time.
You adore this man too much.The energy you put in this relationship is absolutely remarkable.You dedicate all you got to him as if you have never been hurt before.

Unfortunately,sadly,two months to the much awaited introduction ceremony,his past has once again popped into your present and probably disorganized the future you are so eagerly looking forward to.
After so many smiles,simple and grand joys,for the first time in such a long time,you cried yourself to sleep last night.

Behind the shadows of your dilemma,i watch your withered face and listen to your troubled soul and i cannot help but wonder, if you will survive this,this time.

I know you are determined to do the right thing,and i agree,it is hard to do the right thing when you cannot determine what the right thing is, especially when our future and happiness or our future and doom hangs on it.

This great man often tells us,"All great love do not always last forever."Maybe this is it.Maybe you need to close shop already.Then again,why should you say goodbye when you are still willing to try?

Dear heart,i wish i could help you on this one.But i must confess, i am as lost as you are and i am afraid our mind,once again,has also proven incapable of making any rational decision without getting emotional as far as your habibi is concerned.

I guess i will continue to watch from a far, the turn that you will take,but i want you to know,whatever choice you make,whichever the decision you decide to take,i will support you 100%.

I know we are no longer 20years,starting all over again is no longer an appealing forte and neither can we afford 2-3 years of mourning for lost love,but,do not forget one thing my precious heart;We are too blessed to settle for less.

Take your time my heart.Whichever the road you will lead me,i promise i will follow.

Yours forever indent and indebt,
Peninnah Ng'ang'a.


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