Pain creeps in...

a poem by Myrna Martin, USA

I have pain in my heart....
I mourn my marriage...
This ache, this deep sadness....
It wraps around me,and won't let go...
And the tears stream down...
Deep, into my soul...
I told my Boy's, this isn't what I wanted...
I would still be married, wearing the ring...
Still bonded....
I have tried to find love...
But it was not meant to be...
Poor choices in men....
Mistakes, honestly...
Most day's I am fine...
It has been years, you see...
Only sometime's, it really gets to me...
The tears make my eyes blind....
And fall down my cheek...
This catch I get...
This deep ache in my chest....
Heart pain I feel...20 YEARS WORTH...
I shake my head, and whisper a prayer...
Kill's me softly, with missing him still...
I strive to do well, and walk my path in life...
MOVING ON, MOVING FORWARD...
BUT...
When my heart wanders back....
And time stands still....
I REMEMBER...yes, I remember...
When he was mine...
And, he wanted me still....
Myrna Martin @4/17/2018


Ps..
No relationship is easy. But, it takes work and commitment. Not controlling behavior, but LOVING behavior. Where you want to see your spouse grow, and become. Fly with you,not without you. Grow together, love, learn. Remember why you got married, and raise your family together.....
Talk to each other.
I honestly mourn my first marriage. I admit,I have never gotten over it. It hurts me still. But, most days I am fine. But sometimes, just sometimes. That loss is like a knife to my heart. I mourn the Wife I could have been. The Mother I could have been, raising two little boy's with their Daddy. I mourn the fact that it was taken away from me. I mourn the marriage, and the fact I was so proud of my Husband. His military service, I had a beautiful little family. Not all easy times for sure. But, it def would have been worth it. My Boy's are 21 and 24 now. Beautiful young Men. So, I have to say thank you to my ex husband. Without him, I would not have them. Without him leaving me, I would never have known how strong I can be. Did I want that? No, I did not. Did it happen, yes.
But, I KNOW it is okay, to get blue.. sad, and cry.
(I just do not have to get stuck there.....)
Sometimes I think of the "what ifs", AND I think back to the, "Remember Whens"...
But, I do know this. I would not be where I am now, If God did not have a plan for me.
So, I will continue to Believe and LOVE. Continue to dream, and simply be me...
(And accept, that heart pain will continue to creep up on me. But, the difference now? Is to FEEL it, and to know that FEELING that pain is ok.)xoxo

For Rose
Pain...
I belonged to someone once....

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