Helpless

a poem by Paula Michelle Puddephatt, UK

they are here
I feel their pain
every day
it twists
forming complex knots
inside my heart
rips me apart
words aren't enough
my tears
my love
some days
just getting through
myself
can feel like
an almost impossible task
depleted
defeated
and yes
I still get suicidal thoughts

but what do you do
when you want to help
but you can't
can't help anyone
anyone at all
so you simply watch
the future
unfolding
in black-and-white
fading into sepia tones
in painfully slow motion
you're watching them fall
and all you really want
is for someone
to grab your hand
and save you
because
you know
that you're falling too
but you can't
reach out
how can you when
you're paralysed
by fear

so they are there
inside her head
she feels their pain
every day
but she cannot help
cannot save
anyone
and now she is dying with them

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