a poem by Skye Kerri- Leigh Bagshaw, UK


Sometimes when I struggle to sleep at night

It's because I'm thinking of our fight

And it stops my star shining so bright


Sometimes although I no longer cry

I still sigh

Reflecting on the bad terms we said goodbye

I start crashing down rather than remembering to fly


Sometimes I still feel so much pain

Like a constant storm of rain

But dwelling will only drive me insane

And I'm trying to be a radiator and not a drain


Sometimes I feel so confused

By all of the strong words you used

They seemed intended to inflame rather than to soothe


I know you will say you didn't mention me by name

So any hurt feelings i should take the blame

But with or without a name check the effect was still the same

Seeing your posts on social media

Instilled a huge feeling of fear

And I also saw which people liked it

Some were people I knew and that didn't comfortably sit

I felt everyone knew

When it turned out they didn't have a clue

I felt hurt betrayed and annoyed

And when I saw people on their phones I became paranoid

Since I was an early teen

I experienced social media in relation to me that was inappropriate, illegal or mean

Your posts reminded me of that stuff

And it was the last straw because I had had enough


Although I wish you hadn't used the term hateful

I will always feel grateful

And although I think you calling me vindictive

Meant you yourself were negative and toxic

It's all okay

You were pushed too far that day

And I kept getting in your way

Sometimes I have to have the last word to say

You saw my bad side but I wish you saw my good side too

I can be like Carrie or Charlotte but also like Miranda and Samantha too

A lot of people say I'm a kind, generous and funny person

I never let you see that and so now I've learned a lesson

I'm trying to learn from that now rather than sink into Depression

But i still respect

The fact that I'm human so emotional and imperfect

And everyone is complex

And I like to be original like my name

Because wouldn't the world be boring if we were all the same?


Sometimes i still want to apologise

For my misunderstanding that came across as lies

My honesty is real and not a disguise

I’m still learning from you and others how to be more wise

And how to compromise


Sometimes I ruminate about how I couldn't leave

You for a bit for closure like after people grieve

But I hated leaving you to believe

That I constantly had a nasty trick up my sleeve


Sometimes i still feel betrayed

By the bad choices that we BOTH made

I wish we had quickly let it go and just forgave

So much time wasted that it would have been wiser to save


Sometimes I feel you have the grudge

Because you like everyone can judge

And sometimes it got a bit much

I felt I would never be good enough

I love talking about the smooth but also the rough


Sometimes I felt I could not win

Like you saw all “negativity,” as a sin

That belonged in the “Chuck It,” bin

I felt censored to be in a positive box and I felt boxed in


Sometimes I regret being a Hufflepuff

You are loyal through a lot of stuff

When others quickly leave and decide they have had enough

But it's a house that's full of love


Sometimes I still regret that it was one sided

My effort was there but misguided

I guess my view of reciprocity became shortsighted


I’m still grateful for the wings

And the happiness your outfits bring

It wasn't personal about the hair dye things

That day my mental health made me feel restricted like a puppet on strings


I always still thank you and respect you

That honestly is true

I mourn the friendship lost but still respect how I grew

You taught me many things that were new

Even if the methods could have been different as in more on cue

And there's still some growing and learning we could BOTH do

But these next words are still true:



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