Now and then, it feels like forever ago,
Some days, only yesterday.
We could not be more different,
My miracle and me.

Life was seldom untroubled long back then,
But God never left.
When life’s goodness returned, it was I who overlooked God
And forgot how to pray.

It was but slight, that empty place in my heart,
Barely recognizable.
Only alone with my demons and darkness
Did it scream out for satisfaction.

One day, I recalled how to pray, to live outside myself.
Still, life was seldom untroubled, yet
God was at my side and now I smiled at Him.
When happiness returned, I embraced His glory.

For all that was good, that empty place in my heart menaced on.
It ached unceasingly now, not just in demons and darkness.
“Oh my God”, I cried.
And He answered.

The response confused me at first, it was neither obvious
To me or to him. Mysterious soul stirring emotions,
Long relegated to the recesses of my heart.
Tears, nightmares, visions and conflicts.

A strength not my own pulled me forward,
Out of my control.
“You asked Me, Child, seek what has been granted you.
There are answers for you both.”

I opened the essence of my heart’s desire,
Laying bare that dark, empty place.
Oh, how frightening, how vulnerable, how confusing.
What if this is all a mistake?

Trust in the Lord.
I had heard that since childhood,
But it is so easy when you are six.
Life is simple then.

I was astonished by this sudden awareness of peace,
But it is palatable in his presence.
He draws me nearer to the Holy Spirit and bears me
To the spiritual realm I had barred myself from for so long.

The demon is silent, darkness is light,
Meaninglessness has purpose
And blessings do wear black.
And I am humbled.