dont u think that u have the best life... u have the best boyfriend ... the best mom... a sister that u love to death and u still fight w/... u think that ur life is perfect... well almost... u have everything that u need .... you have a boyfriend that u can rely on through anything and that u can talk to and u know that he will be there for u... welll... then things happen... you start fading away from everything... ur grandparents either or might have cancer.... ur mom and ur sister were very close w/ u.... when u would talk to her u could she in her eyes that she wanted to be just like u.. she wants to hang out and do everything that u do... but now u are fading farther and farther away from each other... u love ur sister to death and u can tell that she is having soo many problems and when u try and talk to her it goes one ear and out the other.. its like she was in competion w/ u and now she is way past that point... then everything starts going down the drain all at once.. u think that in the mist of all this other stuff that u can rely on the one person u thought u could talk to through anything but u cant... u have no one to talk to talk and its like ur not even there..u tryed talkin about it to other ppl and prayed until there was nothing left to say... but sometimes u just have to take action ur self.. its like u can scream and no one will hear u... over and over and over again at the top of ur lungs and still no response... then u think about doin something that u never thought u would ever do... and u cut right on the edge...over and over and over again until u just stop and sit there... then u look down and ur arm is covered in blood... but its ok.. u'll live... u live ur life as u wear a mask everyday... its liek playing the same person in a play... u hate having to do it but u also hate all the questions that would have to be answered...right now u are soo confused and u have no idea what to do...ur grandparents want u to be in freakin anor role and u try ur best but w/ all the things on ur plate right now how can u think about school... then it hits u again... this time u do it a little bit closer and deeper... u sit there feelin numb... u dont know what to do.. u have no one to talk to....u know.. god has a plan for EVERY one of us before we are even born... and u dont really get that until u really know how to understand what is goin on in life... u know... i wish i could see what i am here and what im gunna be like... and that it would either hurry up and get here... sometimes u think that there is no point in even living another day.. why do ppl say that there is... now u do it again.. and this time u just really cant take it anymore... u have screamed and shouted and acted like a fool to get someone to notice u... nothin works...so u feel like nothin is worth it right... so u do it again...this time u nailed it and there is no turing back... u think of what all the ppl that u loved r thinking and what theyre gunna do.. will they notice once im gone that something was wrong or just think that it wasnt really supposed to happen and that i was fine... as u can see.. this is my life... and im tellin it like it is... and im not saying that im fake... but i have to make myself smile.. and it is like an act..and idk if i cantake it anymore...